My When, Where, How, and Why?
When I was in fourth grade, my teacher called my mother to discuss my progress in class. I remember feeling nervous and afraid that I had done something wrong. I was constantly moving schools and I had just transferred into this school the previous year. From what I remember, I wasn't doing the greatest in my coursework. But to my surprise, my teacher boasted about my performance in class. She told my mom that I had a gift and should pursue writing. In that very class, I learned that when developing any essay, to include your when, where, how, and why.
This past year has been one of the most complicated, confusing, and uncomfortable yet. I just turned 21 last March, and while I look like an adult, am treated like one, and compose myself as one, I still don't feel like one. I'm unsure whether I should blame COVID-19, my generation, or if this is simply the growing pains that every adult faces. What I do know for certain is, I've found myself, lost her, and found her again all within a year. I've transitioned, adapted, overcame, and grieved.
While on my journey to face my traumas and finally heal from them, I sought out professional mental health counseling. From there I realized that while we all admit that mental health is the most important thing to care for, I find that there isn't a space to have open and authentic conversations about the topic. I had found myself lost in a sea of influencers and media that made me compare my journey and lifestyle to those I saw online. 22-year-olds who just made their first $100k, micro & macro influencers getting paid to travel, and people accomplishing milestones like buying their first home or getting married. To say I felt lost is an understatement. While there are people my age living lavishly, I'm struggling to find where my next meal is coming from. Compromising my hunger for my cat's meals.
While navigating all of this and finding myself stuck in a vast pool of depression and hopelessness, I decided that there needs to be a safe space to be authentic and have these conversations that oftentimes people are too afraid to have. There is no shame in seeking out professional mental health counseling, there is no shame in your diagnosis, and there is no shame in not having all of your shit together in your twenties. This is my reminder and YOUR reminder to take care of yourself, love yourself deeply, and always be honest with yourself and others. Be authentic, be genuine, and be true to yourself.
XOXO Poetry
